Reading: Psalm 42
When I was much
younger, I thought the opening of Psalm 42:1 was an expression deep
passion for God. “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my
soul pants for you, my God.” I
suppose that was partly due to not reading it in context carefully
(my greatest exposure to this verse was from lyrics in a song), and
partly due to my own experience of life. Depression was far from me
and life was all before me. I am generally optimistic.
However,
the experience of life and many times of reading Psalm 42 have made
clear that the deer in this psalm is a deer that is dehydrated and is
about to pass out. This deer is in a dessert place and all is dry—not
dripping with passion. This
thirst for God (Psalm
42:2) is not a deep,
intense, longing desire, but a deep, intense desperation.
It might be expressed as, “I'm going to die if God
doesn't show up and meet with me.”
Why?
Why is the psalmist feeling as if it is “God, or bust!”?
In contemporary
terminology we would say he is depressed—seriously, clinically,
actually, whatever other term you'd like to apply, depressed!
My
tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day
long, "Where is your God?" … (Psalm
42:3)
The psalmist is
experiencing life in such a way that those looking on question what's
wrong with him. “Where is your God?”
expresses their doubt about whether his God exists, or whether he has
been forsaken by God (due to sin). Jesus experienced this kind of
ridicule and mockery (Matthew 27:43). That
was what he experienced from the outside. But worse still was what he
experienced from within.
Deep
calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and
breakers have swept over me.
(Psalm 42:7)
From
within, the psalmist experienced doubts about God's intentions toward
him. Though the language may seem foreign to us at first, it is not so
difficult to comprehend what is meant. The psalmist's experience of
life right now is as if he is in the sea, trying to find shore, but
God keeps pummeling him with wave after wave crashing in on him.
Every time he comes up for air a wave pummels him again.
The
word for deep is also
the word for the sea, or the abyss. This is the “pit”— the pit
of despair. The psalmist
is going from one pit to another, one depth of despair to another,
because, as far as he can tell, God is directing the storm to pummel
him. Are you in that
place in now? Have you been? Do you know someone who is? This psalm
is written for you and me in times like this. It is written to help
us pray when we are in despair, and to help us know how to pray with
others when they are.
In
his despair the worshiper remembers when things weren't as they are
now. He remembers times when he participated with the people of God
in joyous praise and festivities before God. He
recalls the time when all was bright.
(Psalm 42:4) But now, all
is dark for him.
The
psalmist then does something instructive. He speaks to his own soul,
to his own thoughts and heart. “Why, my soul, are you
downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I
will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
(Psalm 42:5) Sometimes it
just helps to vocalize this truth. To remind ourselves of God's promises though our feelings are screaming otherwise.
However,
the psalmist doesn't merely tell himself truth that he doesn't feel.
He also is honest to God
about how
he feels. He brings his toughest questions to God also.
9I
say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go
about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" 10My
bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day
long, "Where is your God?"
(Psalm 42:9-10)
And
then he repeats the instruction to his own soul. (See Psalm 42:11)
When
we are in the place of despair, depression to the point of feeling we
will die if God doesn't answer us, when it seems we have been living
on our tears, we must remember that there were better times, we must
speak truth to our souls about God's promises for our future, and we
must be honest with God about what we are suffering and experiencing.
Bring your worst fears to
God. Bring your depression to God! But also bring His promises.
This
is a prayer for the depressed. This is a prayer for all of us as we
learn how to pray with and for each other.
Love the Gospel, Live
the Gospel, Advance the Gospel,
Jerry
